the start of something new [The Darling Files 004]

This month’s Darling Files started as a journal response to a prompt from the very first writing course I took with Callie Feyen in January 2021. She told us to write about something in our bedroom, and I wrote about the pictures hanging on my wall. In a later poetry course, I used that journal entry for a Found Poetry exercise. It has been hidden in a Google file ever since. It seemed appropriate to send it out into the world this month, in honor of Valentine’s Day and also our 13th Anniversary next week. The picture may be 15 years old, but the memories live as though they happened yesterday.

Do you see that picture hanging on the wall—
the one from our first vacation together?

Our arms hang down, hands interlocked
walking along the brick-laid path

Fingers entwined together, 
evidencing a plait of strength

Trusting that our lives would soon be braided 
into something beautiful and new

I came with frayed edges—you did too
threads broken by our assorted pasts

Traces of hurt; marks of fear

Warning: Needs Repairs

We picked each other up, 
dusted off the broken ends,

Made space for God to create 
a new thing from the strands 

A new creation,
better than either of us solo 

Like a woven tapestry, 
stronger together than alone.

This is the fourth post in The Darling Files, a project initiated by my friends Rachel Nevergall and Callie Feyen. You can read more about The Darling Files from Rachel here and from Callie here.

You can read more of My Darling Files here.

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Ten Best Things About 2022

Last year, I claimed DEEP as my word of intention for 2022. While the year was true to that word in a lot of ways, if I had to sum up 2022 in one word, it would be TRANSITION. We tackled several different transitions this year: getting a pet, exploring school options, embracing my call to write, just to name a few. Of course, those are the transitions we chose—the world threw us several others to tackle as well. Here’s a look at what I think are the ten best things about 2022.

1—Bringing Home the Puppy

The puppy was the hardest transition of our year. There were times when I thought bringing home a puppy was the biggest mistake we had ever made. There was even a moment when I wasn’t sure my marriage would survive the puppy. I had no idea raising a puppy would be harder than raising a child, but in so many ways it is. That being said, once D found the right training program for this little stuffed animal of ours, we turned a new corner. Leonardo ‘dawg Vinci Rowe is the very best thing that has happened to our little family of four.

2—The World Mostly Went Back to Normal

2022 began with retreats being cancelled, masks still required, and all of us wondering if life would ever return to the way it once was. But, by August, the four of us had all had Covid, we left home without masks, and we had calendars that were more full than we knew how to handle. David has even gone back to the office—on the train—several times a month. For better or worse, the world is back in full force. It’s been hard at times, but it also feels really good to be in person for meetings, go to yoga twice a week, occasionally eat out at restaurants, and not worry about whether or not I have a mask in the car before I walk out the front door.

3—Reaffirming Our Commitment to Homeschool

In April of last year, we thought the girls would be attending a hybrid school beginning in the Fall. Just a few weeks before classes were to begin, the school closed. We were heartbroken. And shellshocked. All of the hours I spent researching options seemed like nothing but a waste of time. I pivoted and replanned our school year, and it’s been a fantastic experience for all of us. We’ve found a few ways for the girls to regularly connect with other kids and teachers outside the home, they’ve gotten over their desire to “go to school”, and I realized it is possible to balance homeschooling and writing at the same time.

4—The Kids Went to Camp Gramma

Until 2022, my kids have never slept away from home without me. This summer, they stayed an entire week with my parents. One kid was even sick the whole time she was there. They had a blast anyway, they had endless playdates with cousins, they kayaked in the local lake, and learned that Gramma and Grandpa are even cooler than Mom and Dad. We’re hoping to make it an annual event.

5—I Claimed My Calling as Writer

Twelve years ago, I dreamed of this day. So many great things happened for my writing life in 2022. I took three overnight trips alone, where I had a chance to sleep in, breathe deep, and think deep thoughts without getting interrupted. I started getting paid to write, from two external publications and also through Substack. I began the early stages of writing a book. Those early stages have looked like a ton of drafting, reading old material, typing old journals, and a lot of random musings. It took me all year, but I think I finally have a good idea about the narrative direction I want to take. But perhaps most importantly, 2023 was the year I actually called myself a Writer on all those forms you have to fill out asking what your occupation is. There’s no going back now.

6—My Breast Exams Came Back Clear

After some weird discharge out of my right breast, I saw a breast specialist this year. After a mammogram, several exams, and even an MRI, I received confirmation that there’s nothing to be concerned about. My doctors have been incredible at taking me seriously and listening to my fears. Because of my family history with breast cancer, I’ve been moved to the “higher-risk” category so they can keep a closer eye on me. Early prevention is key, and I’m so grateful to have an excellent team of doctors in my court.

7—My Book Club

I’ve written about my book club before. 2023 was the first year since 2019 that we met without interruption. It is the very best part of every single month. They challenge me to read books I wouldn’t otherwise read. They open my mind to perspectives I wouldn’t otherwise have. We share food together. We drink wine, cocktails, and tea together. And through conversation about books and life in general, we share life together. Everyone needs a book club like mine.

8—I Began Tracking my Menstrual Cycle

This may be the single most life-changing thing that happened last year. Well, next to the dog. Since coming off of birth control after the birth of my second child, I have tried to get better in tune with my body. I’ve been reading about creativity and the menstrual cycle for several years now, so when I discovered Nicole Gulotta’s Writing Cycle e-course, I eagerly jumped all in. By paying attention to the time of month, I learned how my energy shifts and changes throughout the month. When I take the time to plan at the beginning of my cycle, and give myself the grace to go where the energy is, I feel less scattered and more creative as the month goes on.

9—I Ran a 5K!

Last year, I shared a little about how I wanted to be a runner. I continued my training, at what felt like a snail’s pace throughout the winter. When I learned my mom would be visiting in June, I asked if she wanted to run a 5K with me. When she said yes, I knew I was locked in and couldn’t get out of it. She was in far better shape than I, but she pushed me to do it. She ran beside me every step of the way. When my calf felt like it was locking up, she slowed down with me and walked a bit. And when we crossed over that finish line, I felt like I could tackle anything. I injured my calf during that run, and haven’t gotten back out on the trail ever since, but I will forever remember the day I ran a 5K with my mom as being one of the very best days of my life.

10—I Didn’t Give Up

In the 42 years that I’ve lived on this earth, discipline has always been my weakness. When things got hard or frustrating, I tended to walk away and started something new instead. 2022 taught me that while sometimes walking away is the best thing we can do, often we need to dig our heels in and keep on keeping on. Even when it feels harder than we can bear. Through schedule changes, injured body parts, more sickness than we’ve had in many years, too many rejections to count, and edits that brought me to tears, I didn’t give up. I kept running. I kept writing. I kept homeschooling. I called doctors. I argued for better care. I called on people to help when I needed it. I demanded time for myself. I dug my heels in.

Where We Read This Month: October 2022

Creeping in at the last minute this month to share with you another glimpse of where (and what) we’ve been reading lately. I love pulling all of these together because it really shows the variety of books we’re reading—and just how cozy our reading life really is, especially as the weather starts to turn.

I don’t get to do a lot of bedtime reading with the youngest anymore because of her gymnastics schedule, so this was a real treat. She finished up the Wings of Fire series and I started (and quickly abandoned) The Lady of the Rivers. I wanted to read the entire Plantagenet and Tudor Series to go along with our British History studies, but I just can’t get into Gregory’s writing style.

Our basement does triple duty as home office, spare bedroom, and library. I have no idea what she’s reading here - we have hundreds of books on the shelf downstairs, and they are always taking every single one of them off the shelf.

October has been the most beautiful month of the year. The weather has just been glorious, and we’ve been soaking up as much time outside as we can. The girls worked on reading every book in the Betsy Tacy series. A finished them. E decided to hold off on the last three until she’s a little bit older.

I did my very best to work my way through a huge stack of books about the Salem Witch Trial, but I was pretty much unsuccessful. I didn’t find many that I liked, but this Young Adult Novel was a creative modern day spin on the witch trials.

Sometimes on her gymnastics off days, I can convince her to go swimming with me at the YMCA. She of course found the shelf of books hidden in the cafe before we left.

Her favorite place to read lately is with Leo in her lap. The Secret Garden was her first Literature book this year and she declared it “one of the best books I’ve ever read.” She’s reading the copy my Aunt Paula got me when I was her age. There’s something special about your daughter reading your beloved book from childhood.

Doesn’t everyone bring their current read to the hair salon and read while you wait?

When the oldest was in a 30-minute dance lesson, I speed-read Rebecca, making it through 200 pages on the day of book club (because of course I procrastinated.) I felt like a rockstar.

Disclaimer: I had read it once before, so it was really just a refresher read. I don’t normally read that fast, nor do I recommend it. This is a beautiful book. One of my favorites. The audio version is superb!

Dog. Couch. Betsy Tacy Book. Are you sensing a pattern here?

My youngest got sick, again, for what felt like the hundredth time this year. It was actually the 8th time in 12 months, but who’s counting? I had zero brainspace for any book with hard language or deep messages, so I went all in to pleasure reading with Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake. AND I AM SO GLAD I DID. I honestly was surprised how much I loved this book. Rosaline Palmer is a single mother who goes on a reality baking show and there’s baking, and romance, and motherhood, and I LOVED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT. The second book in the series, Paris Daillencourt Is About to Crumble comes out tomorrow and I absolutely cannot wait to read it.

When she felt better, she decided the dog pen was the best place to read a book she found in our Little Free Library about a dog.

And when I had the brainspace, I finally picked up Take My Hand from my backlog of Book of the Month books. If you read my newsletter this month, you know I think this one is a must read.

Haven’t read my newsletter? You should go do that.

I took them to the library one day and they came back with a ton of Critter Club books. “Remember when you wouldn’t let me buy these?” they said. Yes, kid. I remember. But hey, if I can read (and love) Rosaline Palmer, I guess I can let them read (and love) Critter Club. Our reading life is all about balance.

I leave in 10 days for a Writing Retreat, and am doing all I can to finish this assigned reading before I get on the plane. So far, Cassandra at the Wedding is very good, but because I want to write every other paragraph in my commonplace book, it’s taking me a very long time to read. I am also very much enjoying the beautiful cover.

They’d read at every meal if I let them. Instead I let them read at the counter for breakfast and at the table for lunch, but I make them leave their books in the other room when we have dinner. I’m pretty sure one is reading If the Magic Fits and the other is reading One Jar of Magic, but they read books so quickly I can hardly keep up. I bought them each a copy of My Reading Adventures: A Book Journal for Kids so I have a better idea of just how many books they are reading each year.

And that’s a wrap on October! Where are you reading this month?

Ten Things Saving My Life Right Now: Fall 2022

What’s Saving My Life Right Now?

It’s a question that floats through the internet several times a year. A question that helps ground me and helps me put a little perspective around what’s happening in our life (especially when things are feeling a little too hectic.) This weekend, inspired by latest episode of The Next Right Thing, I sat down and made my own list of what’s saving my life right now.

1—Fall in New England

When we first moved to New England, it was Summer that had me smitten; but the longer we live here, the more I fall in love with Fall. Fall in New England is more vibrant than I ever remember fall being in the south. I suspect it’s all the maple trees—the sugar maples really know how to show off.

The colors are just starting to change, but they always take my breath away. Here’s a close up of that beautiful tree:

In a week or so it will look as though it’s on fire.

2—The Farm

Every Friday, I get in my car and drive 40 miles to Springdell Farm to pick up our farm share for the week. It seems like a long drive, but every time I pull in the drive, I find a smile on my face. Farmer Jamie grows the best food we’ve ever eaten, but my love for Springdell is about more than just the food. The farm feels like home. I love talking to the men and women that work on the farm, hearing their stories and sharing recipes. They know I use every scrap of food I can and that I appreciate every single minute of their hard work. And I never leave without feeling loved and cared for.

3—Laughing at mistakes

I was ecstatic to make the first pumpkin pie of the season with our super sweet honeynut squash a few weeks ago. It was so late by the time I made it, that we had to save it for breakfast the next morning. My kids were giddy to find pumpkin pie on their breakfast plate. Until they took the first bite.

I knew right away something was off, but it took me a few bites to realize that I forgot the sugar. Oops. I could have gotten mad at myself. Someone could have cried that their breakfast was ruined. But thankfully, we just started laughing out loud. “Well, if there’s no sugar, that means Leo can eat it, right?” one of the kids said. So the dog got the first pumpkin pie of the season, and I made the youngest help me with the second (so as to not forget the sugar once again.)

4—Soup

My youngest has gymnastics three nights a week this year right during the dinner hour, so we’re eating a lot of dinners on the go. As soon as the weather turned cool, I swapped my salad for soups and am loving the variety filling my thermos each night. We’ve had Taco Soup, Minestrone Soup, Corn Chowder, Snowcap Bean & Sweet Potato Soup, and tomorrow we’ll have Broccoli Cheese Soup. There once was a time when I hated soup, but now it is a true life-saving grace.

5—Nail Polish

Painting my nails is one of my favorite ways to make time stop for an hour or so each week. When my nails are wet, I have an excuse to not do what someone asks of me. It’s my self-care secret weapon. About four times a year, I splurge on a new color. It’s always seasonal, and it’s almost always Essie. This weekend, David picked up the new Fall 2022 color “Off the Grid” and I am already in love. It reminds me a little of mud, which I know sounds weird, but is really the very best Fall color.

6—Yoga twice a week at the YMCA

Because my youngest goes to gymnastics 20+ minutes from our house, I try to stay in the area until she’s done rather than drive back and forth from our house. When I discovered the YMCA near her gym had yoga twice a week, I was thrilled. The classes I’ve been going to are slow and meditative, and I’m noticing a huge shift in not only my physical ability, but my mental health as well.

7—Hot Tea

The cooler weather brings a shift from iced cold brew coffee to endless cups of hot tea. I’ve been making a huge pot of hot tea each morning and sipping on it as the day goes by. I find making tea to be a more sensual experience than coffee—the smells are so different, depending on what type of tea is in your mug. I am loving anything with cinnamon right now.

8—Clever Fox Planner

I discovered Clever Fox Planners this year and it has been life changing. I know you’re probably thinking “but that planner is empty - how is it doing you any good?” This picture is from last week, when I neglected to do any goal setting until Thursday. But I usually do it on Sundays, and when I do, my week feels so productive. I love the chance to separate my writing to-dos from my personal ones, and I really like sitting down to think about how to balance all of the important things in my life each week. At the end of every week, there’s a wrap sheet, where I can reflect on what went well and what didn’t go so well. When I don’t do my weekly planning, I feel like I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Sitting down to make a plan for the week helps me prioritize, and helps me juggle all the balls just a tiny bit better.

9—Leonardo Dawg Vinci Rowe (aka Leo)

There was a time a couple of months ago when I thought getting the puppy was the biggest mistake we have ever made. When we got back from our hectic summer, his constant neediness caused a lot of strife in family relationships. None of us really knew what we were getting into when we got a brand new puppy. Like my children, he needs a lot of attention. Also like my children, he needs to use his brain a lot. And—also like my children (when they were younger)—he throws tantrums when he has to be away from his people. Unfortunately, unlike with my children, the world is not setup for you to take your puppy wherever you go.

So when we were all at our wit’s end (aka I told David something had to change), he found an online training program and began Homeschooling the Dog. And in the last 6 weeks, this dog has become the puppy we all wanted from the very beginning. But I don’t think it’s all because the puppy is different. I think the training program has changed all of us. We are better puppy parents (the kids too) when we realize he’s just a puppy and puppies have needs. The puppy, like our children, needs boundaries. The puppy, like our children, needs to be told what to do. The puppy, like our children, is so much better behaved when his brain has been exercised just as much as his body.

There’s probably a deeper essay here just waiting to be written, but today I’m simply giving thanks for this adorable little pup of ours.

10—Audiobooks

Between driving to gymnastics, taking the girls to their nature class, and driving to the farm, I’m spending quite a few hours in the car each week. My Audible App is getting used like never before. We’re listening to The Vanderbeekers Make A Wish on the way to gymnastics, The Chronicles of Narnia on the way to nature class, and I’m alternating between The Odyssey and Come As You Are when I’m in the car alone. If I can’t sit on the couch and read, at least I can listen to someone reading to me.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me in the comments below: what’s saving your life right now?

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Where We're Reading This Month

I had so much fun with last month’s photo essay on where we’re reading that I thought I’d do it again this month. Here’s a glimpse at where (and what) we’ve been reading lately.

Towards the end of August, we said farewell to all of our visitors. While very sad to see them go back home to Georgia, I did enjoy the return of routine and quiet in the house. I made a cup of coffee, frothed some milk, and sat down to finish This is How It Always Is for my book club.

Early in the month we took a trip to Concord, my favorite town in all of Massachusetts, and found this adorable little used bookstore, where we read about castles and whatever other books we felt like picking up off the shelf.

We started our new homeschool year right around the same time the weather started cooling off, so we’re doing a lot of reading and narrating on the back porch. The Courage of Sarah Noble is the first Literature book for my third grader. Sometimes I’ll read it aloud to her and listen to her narration, other times she’ll listen to the audiobook and narrate to her iPad.

We’re also doing a lot of reading on the couch of the spare bedroom we’ve designated as the “School Room.” The fifth grader and I are reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond for American History and are learning so much about New England culture in the process. She prefers to narrate upside down.

Every morning, they wake up and eat a bowl of cereal while they read. One has just about finished the Wings of Fire series and the other is in the middle of reading every Betsy & Tacy book she can find.

When Queen Elizabeth died, I was ashamed of just how little I know about the British Monarchy. I searched my shelves for books I own that might help me understand how the monarchy came to be and made quite a large stack of books I’d like to read sooner rather than later. I’m starting with London by Edward Rutherfurd.

Leo (and Autumn) really love reading Our Island Story and learning about the history of King Charles I. Sadly, most everything I know about British History I’ve learned through teaching my kids.

With September comes the start of fall activities, which means we’re spending a lot of time in the car. While my oldest is in a dance lesson, the youngest and I read about Benjamin Franklin.

Then she did her math lesson while I read I Will Always Write Back: How One Letter Changed Two Lives. I can’t remember where I first heard about this book, but it’s quite a delightful read.

I was elated to discover the local library stays open until 8pm two days a week, which means I can hang out and read until time to pick up the youngest at gymnastics.

One night, when feeling particularly overwhelmed with the busy state of our family calendar, I ignored all the to-dos on my list and took The Long Devotion to the beach. I’ve been reading this very slowly since April. I kept putting it down because it hit too close to home and stirred up too many emotions I just didn’t want to handle. But I made it my priority this month to finish it. And it met me right where I was, in all of my confusion and despair and wonder if I could really mother and homeschool and write all at the same time. Mama writers, I highly recommend. 

D has had to go to the office several times this month, so we’re doing a lot of reading on the living room couch while the puppy naps by the fireplace. We finished The Magician’s Nephew this week, while one kid crocheted and the other worked on a paper castle.

Sometimes homeschool life is really hard, but sometimes it’s glorious. Like those days when it’s nearly perfect weather, so you pack your books and head to the local castle by the beach for a picnic lunch while quietly reading I Will Always Write Back, Betsy-Tacy, and Heaven to Betsy.

Fall weather has blown in and I am loving wearing yoga pants and cozy sweatshirts while reading The Moor’s Account.

Tell me friends … Where — and what — are you reading this month?

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